My Heart Reminisces

7 days before Christmas

2010-12-18T14:41:00.002+08:00

If I were given a chance to use an arrow right now?... It'll be a very sturdy and a flaming one... and directed straight at the heart of the ugly bastard responsible for that board exam.

Damn. I'm still bitter.. How pathetic.

the coin has landed

2010-12-03T14:36:00.002+08:00

Last night it dawned on me. The reality that was constantly being pushed back into my subconscious suddenly popped in front of me. I can't remember how I got the news (more like I don't want to remember. The feeling is too grueling.)

I failed the board exam.

This made me think and rethink a lot of things. Why didn't I make it? I'm just not that driven. I allowed myself to be too relax. Do I really need this? Will I be able to make it next time?

I think I now know the feeling of a pregnant mother, anticipating a child for 6 months, but then not being able to give birth to that child... despite the care and protection that she had given to herself and her child.

I think I now know the feeling of having a fiancée whom you plan on marrying at the end of 6 months, but then something came up and she was nowhere to be found on the wedding day.

Tragedy comes in all sorts of shapes and flavors.

The important thing now is how I will react.

My mother, this is her dream for me. This is what she wants for me. But...is it really the best?

The coin is spinning...

2010-12-01T20:44:00.002+08:00

It makes it even harder when people expect from you.. But Lord, You said everything is possible in Your care; and if we just believe, nothing can stand in between. Please don't let my heart falter. I am weak without You. Teach my heart that I may seek You everyday, not just in times of crises. My knowledge of You is still lacking, forgive me Lord for my shortcomings.

Lord, teach me...

Help me...

...

2010-08-25T02:20:00.002+08:00

When you cry during your sleep, what does it mean? ...

SWSWSWSW

2010-08-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

Rejection is just a myth.. according to the book I'm reading right now. It's Jack Canfield's The Success Principles. The strongest point that struck me is this (from Principle 18):

The truth is, you never have anything to lose by asking, and because there is something to possibly gain, by all means ask.

Whenever you ask anyone for anything, remember the following: SWSWSWSW, which stands for "some will, some won't; so what - someone's waiting." Some people are going to say yes, and some are going to say no. So what! Out there somewhere, someone is waiting for you and your ideas. It is simply a numbers game. You have to keep asking until you get a yes. The yes is out there waiting. As my partner Mark Victor Hansen is so fond of saying, "What you want wants you." You just have to hang in there long enough to eventually get a yes.

2 weeks short

2010-06-30T19:59:00.000+08:00

Remember the time I told you how I wasn't looking for anyone when you came? I was ok
and content with what I have and how I was.

There were times these past months that I thought I wasn't ready for things like this...being in a relationship and all.

But just now I remembered, that maybe I was ready after all, because you came when I least expected it.
Perhaps i was ready for you...

1 day before graduation

2010-03-25T22:02:00.002+08:00

I got my first digicam.:D

Samsung PL151. Sinamahan ako ni Lizbeth bumili. :D

2 days before graduation

2010-03-24T23:03:00.002+08:00

wow bloggie.. All those years in college and now this.. ga-graduate na rin ako! Dalawang araw nalang makakahawak na uli ako ng toga hood. Ang sarap nun i-hug.. ang sarap din ihagis. Ang dami kong mababalikan.. anyway, all graduating fellows out there would know what my thoughts and emotions are right now, where I'm coming from.. and what I'm getting at (yes, double meaning).

Early this afternoon, I went out with Lizbeth. We went to a nearby clinic to get her blood, liquids and x-ray image taken. After that, we went to The Chocolate Kiss Cafe. By the way, it's becoming one of my favorite resto.

This is one of those days I wish would never end. For some reason, I couldn't help myself from staring blankly at her (secretly..while she's not looking at me). I think the prospect of leaving the campus and not being able to see her as often is finally taking its toll on me. Her imminent trip to Taiwan is not helping me as well. Na-e-emo na naman. patay.

I think that's why I talked too much today (I think I blurted out a lot of silly stuff - I even pictured her as a hamster)...I'm just glad that I have her by my side...

month 8

2010-03-14T21:06:00.000+08:00

sana
..mas tumagal pa tayo at mas maging masaya

sana di ka magsawa sa akin
...sa mga pagtatampo ko at kakulitan

and sana when we're together we bring out the best in one another
...and grow to be more mature and sound individuals

2010-03-04T21:00:00.002+08:00

It's no fun when your girlfriend asks you something like... do you think we'll last?

since that LRT ride

2010-02-28T20:10:00.001+08:00

229 days

5496 hours

329760 min

my irony

2010-01-20T23:21:00.002+08:00

I just realized something... I'm organizing a type of event (intercollegiate quiz bee) that I've never been part of (kahit contestant o volunteer man lang).

-wow-

2 months into imminent graduation

2010-01-20T22:28:00.003+08:00

I did it again.. I acted childish -- again. When will I learn? Damn. As if my thesis and our quiz bee aren't enough of a problem. T_T good luck to me.

colds

2010-01-15T22:50:00.001+08:00

She kisses me even though I'm sick=)

2010-01-07T21:48:00.001+08:00

if you say you don't know.. then what is the point of it all?

...

2009-12-20T22:35:00.002+08:00

I hate myself...for being selfish

hmm

2009-12-12T14:19:00.001+08:00

I guess loners are doomed to be selfish individuals. Considering the reverse, selfish individuals tend to be lonely...

...

2009-11-29T08:53:00.003+08:00

There's some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
Together all the while

You can never say never
Why we don't know when
Time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Picture you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
Steady your hand

You can never say never
Why we don't know when
Time, time and time again
Younger now then we were before

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together
Pull it together, together again

Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

2009-11-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

Today, I deliberately tried to hurt her. I regret to say that I succeeded...

11/14/2009

2009-11-15T14:29:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, we made friends with a few lasallian engineers. Well, for me, the second day of the congress made the whole experience worthwhile.
After exchanging laughs, and stories.. and numbers, umalis na kami ni Lizbeth. We spent the remaining afternoon together. Kakaiba ang trip namin. Pumunta kaming San Sebastian church at sa Alma Mater ko - San Beda. I toured her around my high school campus, and it really felt nostalgic. Somehow I felt like I've transformed into my old high school self. A lot of memories of "the carefree days of our boyhood" came flooding in. It was a nice experience, especially when you're holding hands with the most important person. I wouldn't exchange this day for any other.

let it fold more than 7 times

2009-11-14T22:31:00.003+08:00

"It doesn't matter what size the paper is, it will never fold more than 7 times."

...not until some nerdy woman who happens to have way too much free time in her hands come into the picture --> http://www.pomonahistorical.org/12times.htm

theme

2009-11-09T21:01:00.000+08:00

you're just you.. and you're there.. and i found u

Mystery of Pain

2009-10-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.

It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.


by Emily Dickinson

2009-10-22T01:24:00.002+08:00

Friends are forever.

Girlfriends/Boyfriends come and go.

-- I heard her say those lines back then..

Maybe I got my answer.

Sabaw

2009-10-21T23:40:00.003+08:00

Hello bloggie... It's been a while..
Lagi ko sinasabi sa sarili ko na iibahin ko na itsura mo... but to no avail, procrastination beats my overrated will..and here you are, still looking exactly like the way you were 3 years back. It seems that there's something in this blog - this tiny place in the internet - that I treasure.

Ang sentimental ko na masyado... Anyway, I don't know why other people are not. (haha. I'm also becoming egotistic) wala lang, nasabi ko lang. sabaw.
You know what? I hate the word sabaw. It's the vaguest word you'll ever hear..and right now, I'm hearing it more than 10x a day on average. It bugs me to not actually sense what they (the people I'm talking to) really mean. It's like a "filler" word or something...when you can't think of any word to describe an object, a feeling, or a situation - just say sabaw. When you plan on cutting the conversation short - say sabaw and you're good to go. When you dislike something, hate something, or feel the need to say something negative but unable to say it -- you can scream SABAW to the top of your lungs and feel the same relieving effect as the word fuck. To demonstrate my point further, here are some examples.

Case in point #1:
Girl1: Oo nga eh noh? Ang sabaw niya!.. sabaaaw.
Girl2: Napansin mo rin pala? Sabaw.

Case in point #2:
Boy1: Ano paborito mong prutas?
Girl1: Sabaaaaaaaw.

Case in point #3:
Boy1: Magkano sabaw niyo?
Girl1: Limang piso lang.

Case in point #3:
Boy1: Wala kang kwenta!
Girl1: SABAW KA!!!

Quite interesting...and quite useful at times. But I've had enough. I miss real words.

Sat., Sept. 26, 2009

2009-09-28T20:40:00.002+08:00

First time kong...

natakot sa ulan

nagpaa sa overpass

nagbuhat ng babae habang nakalubog ang paa sa baha

nanood ng sine nang ako lang ang tao sa loob

sumakay sa bubong ng pedicab dahil lampas baywang na ang baha at nag-feeling konyo ako

wala lang

2009-09-20T17:34:00.000+08:00

sorry you got such an insensitive boyfriend :((

American Beauty

2009-09-13T00:19:00.002+08:00

I just finished another weird movie entitled American Beauty, which was released on 1999.

"... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life..."

rugzja9

2009-09-12T20:11:00.003+08:00

5:30 pm, Saturday. 9/12/09.
Movie: Time Traveler's Wife.
I heard it from her, and that has made all the difference. :)

bushit

2009-08-07T23:11:00.002+08:00

Putakte. Binenta ang luma kong phone? Ako bumili nun eh. ipon ko un. At puno ng mahahalagang notes un. taena naman.
Taena talaga. d ako magiging ganun paglaki ko.

Isang paalam

2009-03-11T02:41:00.001+08:00

Minsan nagtataka ako kung ano talaga ang tumatakbo sa utak mo. Natutuwa ako at nakukuha mo pang magkwento minsan... ang hindi ko lang makuha ay kung bakit sa lahat ng kwento mo, tila iisa lang ang paksa.

Death Cab for Cutie's Someday You Will Be Loved

2009-03-03T20:23:00.001+08:00

I once knew a girl in the years of my youth,
With eyes like the summer: all beauty and truth.
But in the morning I fled; left a note and it read,
"Someday you will be loved."

I can not pretend that I felt any regret,
'Cause each broken heart will eventually mend.
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread,
Someday you will be loved.

You’ll be loved, you’ll be loved.
Like you never have known.
And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams.
Just a series of blurs like I never occurred.
Someday you will be loved.

You may feel alone when you’re falling asleep,
And every time tears roll down your cheeks.
But I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet.
And someday you will be loved.

You’ll be loved, you’ll be loved.
Like you never have known.
And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams.
Just a series of blurs like I never occurred.
Someday you will be loved.

Being an adult is difficult

2009-02-18T21:33:00.001+08:00

...kaya mag-iisip bata muna ako, kahit panandalian lang... kahit dito lang sa munti kong blog..

Kanina, nung nag-uusap tayo, hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit ako nangingiti..ganun ka lang ata talaga at ganun lang din talaga ako. Sinabi ko naman sayo na ok lang sa akin. Sa loob-loob ko nga alam kong wala talaga akong karapatan. Ok nga at pinahahalagahan mo pa ang naiisip at nararamdaman ko.

Ngayon, ngayong nakapagmuni-muni na ako... nararamdaman ko na ang lungkot. Sa totoo lang -- ayaw kitang umalis. Ito ang pinakasinisigaw ng apog ko -- kung huhubdan mo lang ako ng hiya, moralidad, at matinong pangangaatwiran. Oo, sarili ko lang ang aking iniisip - pero sino nga bang hindi?
Gusto lang kitang makasama.

Ph103

2009-02-11T23:30:00.002+08:00

I was again caught up in my "philosophy of religion" class. The lecture for today was all about hope and despair, and what love really is.
...After all the lectures on disappointments, close-mindedness, despair, optimism, pessimism, and hope... our dear professor ended with a line from one of Marcel's articles, he quoted -- to say "I love you" is to say "you shall never die."

It left me staring out the window for more than a minute...

english is weird

2009-01-20T22:22:00.001+08:00

Me: Why is a boxing ring square?

Jaime: para pwede mo sabihing "i-corner mo siya!"

word pair

2008-11-13T00:22:00.002+08:00

4th yr 2nd sem -- Oct. 2008 -- I took an overload of 22 units, and right now, I was about to add 4 more.

25 units? May God be with me.

As for my Philosophy of Religion... the first reading goes like this:

First Part

THE WORLD IS TWOFOLD for man in accordance with his twofold attitude.
The attitude of man is twofold in accordance with the two basic words he can speak.
The basic words are not single words but word pairs.
One basic word is the word pair I-You.
The other basic word is the word pair I-It; but this basic word is not changed when He or She takes the place of It.
Thus the I of man is also twofold.
For the I of the basic I-You is different from that in the basic word I-It.

.
.
this is gonna be an interesting sem.

The Sun and the Cloud

2008-11-02T12:40:00.003+08:00

It's easy for me to assume, and yet the consequences are oftentimes too difficult for me to bear. Indeed, life is difficult - as what's forever taught in class - especially when you sit down and think about nothing else but the consequences of your assumptions and everything in between.
There's a line in a foreign sitcom that staggered me. It goes something like this: "life is about minimizing regrets." I could not agree more.

When the clouds block out the sun, why does the sky suddenly looks despondent and dark?

Sem break 08

2008-10-27T23:29:00.000+08:00

Oct 18-20 ~> Ilocos trip with batchmates
Oct 22-23 ~> AECES evaluation/planning seminar at Gemp's resort, Laguna
Oct 24 ~> Enchanted Kingdom with AECES EBmates (it was beyond exciting)
Oct 25 ~> bought ATI 512mb video card + EA's Spore™ + Capcom's DMC4 (smokin' sick style!)
Oct 26 ~> I forgot her birthday

nothing in particular

2008-10-16T03:37:00.000+08:00

each time I think of her... and of her... and her... I could not but wonder...is there something funny substantiating on my face every time I open my mouth and speak? Hmmm... I wonder.

angry beginning

2008-10-16T03:22:00.000+08:00

Just like all the other nights, I opened her window... stared at it for hours, thinking of a topic to share... until... she logs out.

d_i

2008-10-01T12:41:00.000+08:00

2 weeks ago, someone asked me to be her textmate. Her name was Deiyeane.
Just a while back, a new number texted, she's also asking for a textmate. And her name was Diane...
Anong kaguluhan ito? Bakit nagkakaganito ang mundo? Dahil ba alam nilang may kahulugan ang pangalang iyan sa akin?...

quote from New Moon

2008-09-20T15:04:00.000+08:00

One thing I truly knew -- knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest -- was how love gave someone the power to break you. (219)

- Bella Swan

2008-07-06T15:49:00.000+08:00

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" He smiled. "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

"very different," I agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined."

- Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

5.10.08 - our beloved dog

2008-05-12T00:46:00.000+08:00

The world shocked me again... Yesterday afternoon, as I entered the house I didn't feel anything weird until I reached the final landing towards the second floor. My mother called me, and as I walked into the room, I noticed both she and father were standing still, their eyes downcast. It struck me as hell when I finally got a glimpse of what they were checking out with their gloomy features. On the floor laid our dog, paw-paw, the very first dog in the family. My mother let out a faint cry of horror as she called out her name. I knelt on the ground beside our pet and brushed the curly fur on her head - paw-paw looked dreadfully peaceful. It was just then that the weight of the situation has gotten into me. I told myself it cannot be. I refused to accept it as much as everybody else in that room. I placed my hand on her chest and was delighted for a moment at the warmth of her body. Then as quickly as the sign of hope had appeared, it had been flushed away by the reaction of her body as I shook her vigorously, desperate for any sign of life. Then it dawned on me that there was no sign of breathing. I knelt there for a few more minutes. And the more time I spend checking on any trace of heartbeat, the harder it is for me to breathe. It is as if my body wanted to transfer a portion of my life signs to her. Then finally, my father helped me up. I did not allow myself to cry just like when my aunt and my grandmother died. But the sorrow was real just like all those other times when I have to force the tears back in, and it took me a greater effort this time because it came to me as one nasty surprise.
The day after that was not a very happy one. Six little puppies were left orphaned - never to taste their mother's milk anymore -- on that day onwards, on that day, on that mother's day.

bukas-sara

2008-04-21T22:51:00.000+08:00

*the door is about to close*

I: "Wait! Wait!"

*nasarhan na si I at nag-lock pa ang pinto*

I: "aww.. ayoko talaga ng ganun."

Kaibigan: "ayaw mo ng ano?"

I: "..ng tunog ng mga nagsasarang pintuan."

Kaibigan: "Ok lang yan. 'di ba't ang sabi nila - kung may nagsarang pintuan, may bintanang magbubukas?"

I: "oooh. Oo nga, sabi nga ng lolo ko 'yun! Pero mahirap pumasok sa isang bintana."

Kaibigan: "yeah.. kahit papano. Pero opportunity pa rin iyon."

I: "Opportunity nga rin... pero hanggang sulyap ka na lang.. dungaw lang ang magagawa mo. Iba pa rin ang pintuan. Hindi ba, kaibigan?"

Kaibigan: "Tama ka nga kaibigan, tama ka nga."

?

2008-03-31T23:12:00.000+08:00

"Kung imumulat mo lang talaga ang mata mo, makikita mong siya na iyon."

mar.29-31 evsem/plansem

2008-03-31T22:08:00.000+08:00

I just came back from a 3 day "planning seminar" of AECES.. medyo kulang pa sa tulog, but I won't sleep just yet. I got too many things in my head. First, I just want to congratulate myself for chickening out on another top-notch "prospect." It seems that I really do well in not-taking-the-once-in-a-lifetime-shot. ANDUN NA EH. Open fire na. ~~Lumapit na yung palay sa bigas~~ (palay sa bigas? wtf.. i'm really sleepy).. Lumapit na yung palay sa manok.. amf tlga!!!!!!!! Yun na yun eh. Yun na dapat yun eh. Perfect palay na eh. Right time, right place. Ano ginawa mo Addison??! tiningnan mo lang eh! Nung nakita mong tiningnan ka? Wala ka pa ring ginawa eh. Nung nakita mong medyo ngumiti? Wala pa rin! Ano ka ba? Iskuwater takte!
sigh...such big regrets could disrupt my sanity for weeks, or.. months. T_T noooooo, not again.

Regarding the 3-day happy happy sessions/planning/evaluation, it was a memorable one.. Lahat talaga ng outings ay memorable. And this one is another memorable one (gaya na nga ng nasulat ko). Pag-uwi ko kanina, wala pang 1 hr, na-miss ko na kagad sila. aww.. I'm starting to think that I was not getting enough interaction with people lately, that's why I really enjoyed their company - especially my batchmates.
You guys are the best.

2008-03-26T20:16:00.000+08:00

Napag-isip-isip ko, it's over na nga talaga. It's over. ((tinig sa aking isipan nagsasabing, "napakasakiiiit")) Kailangan ko na lang tanggapin. ((kuya eddieeee)) May hangganan ang lahat.. Wala na talaga. Oo, heto na. Tatanggapin ko na talaga.. nang buong-buo.. ((NAPAKASAKIIT KUYA EDDIE))
taenang kanta yan. haha..
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko.

***
andrama talaga.. di maiwasan eh. Sana huli na ito

2008-03-26T01:17:00.000+08:00

Q: what greater pain there is than hearing her say "I have a new one"?
A: seeing her with a new one

AAAAARRRRGGHHH...

...The girl of my life just spoke to me and said "ako? boylet? wala pa nga eh. bummer."
All I wanna do now is go somewhere else.

*********
will I be stuck in this mess forever? I hope not.

catching a falling star

2008-01-09T21:32:00.000+08:00

an artwork created by my star (1.9.08.9.33)

1/1/08

2008-01-01T22:32:00.000+08:00

This new year is different. It's really different from the rest of the new years I've had. It lacks the luster amidst the fireworks, the energy amidst the many greetings... and the inspiration... amidst the new hope that this new year brings. Mukhang di ko pa rin kayang talikuran ang lahat ng nangyari. Kahit ilang ulit kong sabihin sa sarili kong ok na ako... hindi pa rin.
.
.
shit, nasulat ko yang mga yan? ibig sabihin d ko p rn kayang d ma senti mode... happy new year to me.

2007-11-17T15:24:00.000+08:00

"Part of the reason why we hold on to something so tightly for so long is because we fear that something so great will never happen twice"
={

Hanna's 19th Birthday

2007-10-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

I feel like writing something today just because it's Hanna's birthday. [My backgroud music: xylophone rendition (plus a little bit of piano and a wind instrument) of ff8's Eyes On Me.]

Today, my thoughts are full of her, just like all the other days... but compared to these past few days, today's fuller..or should I say, it has never been like this for a month now. Perhaps because today, I made close contact with her, which I haven't done for God knows how long. I went to their place sporting a U.S.T. shoulder bag (for no particular reason but scarcity of resources), and when I got there, I was distinctly happy to see her mother greeting me and gesturing me to come in. I smiled and I greeted back. It was the first time that I did not feel any kind of discomposure (this is not to say that she is frightening or intimidating...I'm not being defensive either). I guess it just feels that way when it comes to meeting a girlfriend's parents and relatives. Anyway, I sat on the sofa and I was reminded again of my inability to converse with the most very-important-persons in the world. (yes, I sucked) I waited there for the birthday girl to come out of her room, and when she finally came out... it struck me how I really missed her.

I ate spaghetti and roast beef - both are her father's cooking. It was really delicious! (wah sipsip?haha) Although too bad I stocked myself with food antecedently, I therefore denied myself of full appreciation and coupled with a bit of shame, the prospect of a second and a third serving was blasted to oblivion. After nearly reaching my gut's maximum capacity, along came the ube cake her mother offered me. I couldn't say no, and so after pausing for a few seconds every now and then, I finished everything! rawr! ;p

Random thought: oh, I hate it when people couldn't resist repressing their desire to text me and end up sending multiple text messages that contain the same thing - blank. How I cherish their thoughtfulness, really, although I don't know how to repay them. Indeed, it's a proven fact that when your name is among the first listed on phonebooks, the more you will be contacted. Apparently it's a blessing that my name usually hit the top of the list of everybody's phonebook.

Although we haven't talked of anything serious, whatever conversation we had was enough for me. It's not like I was expecting something cosmic to happen, or something like that. Or was I?... not. She sat beside me, reading the book "Marrying Buddha" I gave her as a gift. It was actually not my best pick for her, because the book is all about "a woman going wild," as how one magazine had commented the novel. But that was her request (well, not really a request because I asked her what book she'd like to get her hands on and then she said she wanted.... you know what I mean) and so I subdued any form of conservatism in me as I handed her the gift.

She handed me something to read as she started reading her newest book. We both sat there, reading for quite a while. My mind shifted from the book to the girl sitting right next to me. I enjoyed the book, which was her sister's.. I hope she did too, with mine.

It was not long when I finally said good bye. But before I left, I had a strange desire to talk to her sister about something and yet I don't know what.

Random thought2: How would you react if somebody thanked you for greeting him/her a happy birthday when in truth, u don't have the faintest idea what the crap that person's talking about?.. and you didn't even know it was that person's birthday in the first place? Wanna know what I did? I told her, "your welcome! hehe". Simple. What if he/she retorted by asking, "how did you know it was my birthday?" You just tell that person this -- "uhh, sa friendster! haha!" ...and then you hit the road, or have spastic attacks, or simply log out from your messenger account.

[background song: "Take a Bow" by Madonna]

P.S. I forgot to mention something cosmic did happen! That birthday girl erased my cellphone's message counter! It was never cleared since my very first "message sent" and "message received"!!!!!!!!!... holy shit. That was freakin' 4 yrs ago. Why must this happen? Now that I've thought of it, I could've punched her in the face if she were an ordinary friend.
Just for future reference: up until this date, my 3220 nokia phone has this record: 624++ msgs sent, 619++ msgs received.
(Blogspot: have mercy, don't erase this until I die.)

32

2007-10-09T00:34:00.000+08:00

you can not hurt me anymore
hurt me anymore you can not
not anymore hurt me you can
you can hurt me not anymore
anymore you can not hurt me
hurt me you can not anymore
anymore hurt me you can not
anymore you can hurt me not
not anymore can you hurt me
hurt me not anymore you can
anymore can you not hurt me
not anymore you can hurt me
not hurt me anymore you can
no longer can you hurt me
hurt me you can no longer
no longer hurt me you can
you can no longer hurt me
no longer you can hurt me
hurt me no longer you can
you no longer can hurt me
you can hurt me no longer
hurt me you no longer can
you can hurt me no more
hurt me you can no more
you can no more hurt me
hurt me no more you can
no more hurt me you can
hurt me you no more can
no more you can hurt me
you no more can hurt me
no more can you hurt me
hurt me not you can

2007-10-08T00:49:00.000+08:00

This is why we lost. =p hahaha!

pag-uulit

2007-10-03T23:38:00.000+08:00

Payo ng isang pilosopo kay Berong:

Matinik ang landas ng itinadhanang pag-ibig. Iyan ang dahilan kung bakit mo inurungan. Kapag tinahak mo na ang landas na ito, at natinik-tinik na ang iyong talampakan, hangga't akala mong di mo na matitiis, ngunit tiniis mo pa -- sa wakas magiging pangkaraniwang tao ka.
Noong nahulog ang loob mo kay Hinay, nahulog ka sa iyong tunay na kahulugan. Ang pag-ibig na tumubo sa loob mo ay siyang anak ng tunay mong pagkatao. Iyan ang dahilan kung bakit ngayong humiwalay ka kay Hinay, nadarama mong hindi ka na ikaw. Akala mo yata'y basta't aksidente ang pakikipagtagpo ninyo ni Hinay. Sasabihin mong tao kang palaging may saan at kailan. Kapag naiwan mo na ang isang saan, at nakalipas na ang isang kailan, karapatan mo nang limutin at itapon na parang gula-gulanit na baro, sa basurahan ng iyong alaala: at tumakas sa bagong saan at kailan. Sinasabi ko sa iyo na may pangyayaring sumisigaw sa kalooban mo at, dinggin mo man o hinde, ang saan at kailan nito'y magiging dito at ngayon mo, magpakailan man.

2007-09-04T22:59:00.000+08:00

Stop screwing around! get a hold of yourself! your life doesn't end there, c'mon! get up! get a life! get a new life! Wake up and don't be a loser! You didn't lose.. you know you played fair, and that's all that matters! Accept all that's happened to you.. and feel it.. understand how it feels, and learn from it. Life is sweet, don't turn your back now. Everything will be alright.

...I wish God can really talk to me right now.

what is there to behold

2007-08-16T22:04:00.000+08:00

...there are 4 things that you can never recover:

2007-08-15T18:47:00.000+08:00

I didn't know this song would have an impact on me 5 years after completing the game.. =( ... what a sweet song.

"Diamonds in My Heart" - Chocobo Racing

Do you remember the days
When we had a long, long way to go
And you were there for me
As I was there for you to be around?
The sun was shining brightly
Down on us so gently
That we thought we could go on
For as long and as far as we pleased

Hand in hand, forever and for more
We would run, we'd never have enough
Didn't even need to know
If it was time to wait
Or time to sleep
On and on, the hours tick away
So the memories can go astray
How I miss the days of golden sun
And please
I'd rather be with you

I still remember the days
When we had a long, long time to share
That's when I saw you there
Looking as tired as I used to be
"Hello", I said unsurely
You smiled a little shyly
Soon we knew we would go on
Together on a journey to our dreams

Hand in hand, forever and far more
We would run, we'd never have enough
Didn't even care to ask
How far away from home
We'd have to go
On and on, the hours tick away
So the memories can go astray
Oh I miss the never-ending road
And sure
I'd rather be with you
Sweet summer breeze
Or autumn leaves
Midwinter sky
And blooming flowers of spring
Friends and their laughter
Precious and kind
Let all shine like diamonds in my heart

All along, I'm here to find the way
To that dreams we used to have before
And I long to see again
Your smiling face along the way somewhere
If you hear me calling out your name
And you see the meaning of it all
Come and join me in this space again
You know, tomorrow will be there

2007-08-02T17:04:00.000+08:00

"When you fall in love...sooner or later, your are bound to fall out of it. And then suddenly both of you feel that you are two separate individuals - no more the oneness, no more the likeness, no more the spark, the ecstasy, and the fairy tale romance... yet, ironically this is where true love begins."

- quote for the day from theo131

2007-08-01T00:44:00.000+08:00

...When I turn out all the lights, even the nigh..it only reminds me of you.
I needed my freedom. This what I’ve thought but I was a fool to believe. My heart lied while you cried. But I was too blind to see everything we’ve been through before. Now it means so much more...:'(

2007-07-30T01:15:00.000+08:00

"Out Of Reach"

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me

//haaaay

2007-07-30T00:59:00.000+08:00

"This Love"

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And my heart is breaking in front of me
She said Goodbye too many times before

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore...

//wow may halong "pressure on your hips" at "sinking my fingertips" pa pala itong kantang ito.//

2007-07-29T02:17:00.000+08:00

WHOOOOOOSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
WHOooOOOoOOOooOooOOOSSAAAAAAAaaaaaahhhh...

2007-07-29T02:16:00.000+08:00

kaya maraming nagpapakamatay sa mundo eh...

someone...
anyone...
please...

save me

2007-07-29T01:53:00.000+08:00

This is freakin' hell. This is freakin' hell!!!!! this is freaking helllllllllllllllllllllll! I wish I didn't need to feel this rotten bullshit. May nakakarinig ba sa akin?? May patutunguhan ba itong pag-iyak ko? wala.

big time hang-over

2007-07-01T03:06:00.000+08:00

oh crap. wala nang tatalo sa death note!!!!! ohhh sheeeet. damn. 3am na ngaun.. and i'm still mourning.
deiym talaga... this gloomy feeling could go on 'til next week.. grabe.T_T ang lakas ng tama sa akin. para talaga akong namatayan!!!! death note!!! halimaw ka!!!!! cno ung mga gumawa ng anime na yan? sasambahin ko.

2007-04-23T01:00:00.000+08:00

God, I thank you for this birthday. Thank you for surrounding me with wonderful people. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my blessings. Thank you for Hanna. Thank you for all my friends. Thank you for the wonderful life. I'll make good use of it, I promise.

Hoping You'd Write About Me

2006-12-17T19:40:00.000+08:00

~~~~eons passed without a word from you,
~~~~drifting leaves shout out their browning color;

~~~~as mellow notes summon back long lost sweetness,
~~~~your shadow, full of color, reckons a beckoning...

para sa'yo yan Hanna.. :) alam mo na kung bakit ko nasulat yan. *wink* hey... I love you. <3>

2006-12-12T16:28:00.000+08:00

bakit ba dapat may taong nahihirapan pa? Minsan, kung sino pa ang importante sa buhay mo siya pa ang nahihirapan dahil sa iyo...

2006-12-12T00:31:00.000+08:00

kapag depressed ang isang tao, umaabot sa sukdulan ang kakornihan niya.
eh...
pano kapag masaya ang isang tao?
.
.
.
edi hindi siya korni!!!

random thoughts

2006-12-05T00:16:00.000+08:00

nag-ayos ayos lang ako ng links ko.. :) pinggiy, ngaun ko lng nalaman na hindi p pla kita nali-link,hehe.. forgive moi. May nadagdag din akong iba...
malapit na ang pasko, pero hindi ko pa rin nararamdaman masyado...
kanina pa ako dapat nagsusulat ng paper pero hindi ko pa nasisimulan hanggang ngayon..
tungkol siya sa mga kapre... (as in kapre talaga, ung mumu)
sino-sino kaya ang kaya kong regaluhan ngaung pasko?... (prayers nalang siguro para sa lahat) *smile*
natutuwa ako sa bagong gasoline stations ngayon - tinawag nila itong RePhil... may disenyo pa ito na kahalintulad ng sa bandila natin. (makabayang tunay, sana lang hindi sila nanggugulang)
may super sarap daw na doughnut - tawag nila dun ay "crispy cream"

2006-11-28T08:49:00.000+08:00

What was the start of all this?
When did the cogs of fate begin to turn?
Perhaps it is impossible to grasp the answer now
from deep within the flow of time...

but, for certainly, back then
we love so many, yet hate so much
we hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed, under celurean skies...

-Chrono Cross

We move everyday and are touched by different kinds of entities.
Some stay. Some leave. Some bleed us, while some mend us.
But it doesn’t really matter in the end
-- because they are partly the reasons why we are our own molds as of this very moment.

2006-11-20T00:28:00.000+08:00

Uy! may mga bagong nakaalam ng blog ko..waaa.. sobrang nagiging conscious na ako sa mga nilalaman ng aking blog. I-a-add ko na nga (link) ang mga bago kong friends d2 sa blogspot!heheh.. so far, pinaka-nagulat ako nung nalaman kong nalaman ni kuya miguel na may blog ako.. hello there Miguel!:D siya nga pala ang aming butihing kuya a.k.a. overall formator ko... dun sa lauan (isang bahay na nagkakalat ng kabutihan sa mundo). Tapos mga 4 na sa blockmates ko ang may alam nito..hehe.. welcome, good adventurers!.. :D sana hindi ko maisipang magbura uli ng previous posts ko. pray for me, pray for the Philippines, pray for everybody. :)
oo nga pla.. may isa akong malupit na kaibigan, sobrang gusto nya bumuti ang health ko. (d pa kasi nwwala ubo ko eh,hay)...how Goldilocks..
at.. Hanna! sana makalabas ulit tau. ;)

life sucks when you hit the ceiling

2006-10-01T18:47:00.000+08:00

Hanna... hindi tayo "masisira" ever... I'm sorry for being such a jerk... =(

Favorite ko na

2006-09-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

<< Akap >>

Nagtatanong
bakit mahirap
sumabay sa agos
ng iyong mundo

Nagtataka
Simple lang naman sana
Ang buhay
Kung ika'y matino

Sabihin sa akin lahat ng lihim mo
Iingatan ko
Ibaling sa akin ang problema mo
kakayanin ko

Pikit mata
kong iaalay
ang buwan at araw
pati pa sapatos kong suot

Nagtatanong
simple lang naman sana
ang buhay
kung ika'y lumayo

Sasamahan ka sa tamis
Sasamahan ka sa dilim
Sasamahan ka hanggang langit
Sasamahan ka sa tamis
Sasamahan ka sa pait
Sasamahan ka sa dilim
Sasamahan ka hanggang langit Sasamahan ka

2006-08-21T01:49:00.000+08:00

life guides you to your most unexpected dreams...
causing you to twirl and twist..
leaving you so confused and helpless..
you can't shout...you're silenced by the wind
all you can do is to let your tears roll down your cheeks as you flash your smile for everyone to see...

2006-08-17T00:11:00.000+08:00

It's been such a wonderful year... =)=)=)

--Aug.16,07

2:50am monday

2006-08-14T02:40:00.000+08:00

here I am sipping my lukewarm coffee and listening to William Hung sing God knows what... I need to stay awake to finish the paper that is due 5 hrs. from now.*sigh* I need to stay awake for all the world to notice me... notice me... notice me... notice me suffer... notice me fade away into oblivion...

2006-08-06T01:17:00.000+08:00

there are some things I want to speak about... pero.. wat d hell..hehe..sulat lng ako ng kahit ano. magulo lang tlga utak ko.. ayoko na magconstruct ng maaayos na sentences..hmm.. i want to free write...parang ngaun.. puro dot-dot nlng.. haha! wla lang.. mraming gumugulo sa isipan ko ngyon... gaya nito,nakachat ko ngyon ang isang kaibigan, he said something like - "to say that there is forbidden love defeats the concept of love."... what really is love? bakit may bawal na love? hindi ba dapat mga masasamang bagay lng ang ipinagbabawal? ...hndi ko na kayang isulat mga naiicp ko.kya hangang d2 na lng.. i really wish there are mind readers out there, so that they can at least help me extract the words out of my mind.

18

2006-07-01T19:05:00.000+08:00

The pleasant night exuded an aura of magnificence as the busy streets outside signaled the usual hostility of friday night. Last night was really an event to remember.

There was a rush of sweet familiar feeling as I got dressed for the kill. I felt two years younger but my eye bags proved otherwise. (The stress I'm getting in college is way too different than in high school...sigh) A pang of fear hit me as I slipped my foot on my pointy black leather shoes. I didn't know why... I am quite weighing something in my head -- "did love fail me or did I fail love?"...either way, I know my feelings toward my sweet Hanna are not relatively the same as before...

Maybe I'm confused...maybe I'm sleepy and tired...or maybe I'm just lacking in vitamins.

Anyhow, my best buddy Ramch gave me a hitch to Emily's special occasion. I was again affirmed by God to stick to my old, time-tested friends because they are really the ones whom I could call "family." Two people know that they're best of friends even when they don't call themselves that way (e.g. bestfriends)...it is an unspoken truth between the two of them, an implicit law in their relationship.

We got there first. The Sulu (sulu or sulo - I don't know which is right) hotel was blessed with sexy and pretty lady ushers and bartenders (hehe). As I was saying...Ramch and I were the first guests/cotillion dancers to arrive there. However, it didn't take long for us to wait as one by one, the ballroom's lobby was filled with guests and friends alike. Familiar faces shone more brightly than the rest. Ace was there, Mauricio (francis arlan)..Ange...Froilan...…Guido...of course Audie and Gen and Mikko..

As for my most awaited girl -- she went in the hall when I least expected it. She said she was going to be late, but then she arrived just in time ('coz everybody came in "late" technically..kasi 7:30 tlga ung nkalagay sa invitation letter..eh wla p msyadong tao hanggang mga 8:30). Hanna was so beautiful; I got damn jealous of the guys feasting their eyes on her. I've never seen her like that - ang galing ng make-up, kakaiba. Her lips were colored brownish, and the rest...I don't know how to describe it. (I really wish I could have my very own digital cam)

The rest of the night dragged along marvelously. I got to dance with the debutant, my friend, Emily. =D ganun pla ung 18 roses...at ganun din pala ung 18 chocolates! So cool. Prinsesa talaga sya kagabi..I am one of her friends who felt glad for her last night. May smoke generators pa...may purple torches (pati apoy dapat purple!)...may spinning tall cake...may charge ung pag-cha-charge ng cellphone (P150/hr)...may duty si Ace...at may tama na naman si Mikko--lakas tama sa puso.

I really can't say how much she grew as a person (no pun intended)...and I also can't say how happy she was on that very night.
It's so nice to think that as we all cross the boundary of the past, of immaturity and childish views; we get to drag along with us the persons who have been with us in creating that past, those bright playful days, into the rigors of our dim future.

2006-06-27T01:50:00.001+08:00

a sign that says it all...",

--many thanks to Jaime Mendejar for taking time

Hear me cry

2006-06-22T01:01:00.000+08:00

.
.

Did you see me cry
(Did you ask yourself why)
Did you see me cry
(Did you ask yourself how)
Can you hear me cry
(Did you ask yourself)
Will we ever grow apart

You couldn't say
Needed someone new
And you actually thought
Deep inside I knew

I wonder where we will go
Will we be the same
(You passed me by)
I laugh inside I think of you
And the love we made

Tell me why this should suffice
I hold you through the night
Now will I let it go
Soon I'll let it go

Can you hear me cry
(Will you ask yourself why)
Can you hear me cry
(Will you ask yourself how)
Can you hear me cry
(Will you ask yourself)
Will we ever grow apart

You, I'll stand by your side
I'll be there for you
(You passed me by)
You, I'll stand by your side
Please just do me right
(You passed me by)

You, I'll stand by your side
I'll be there for you

='(
='(
='(

fast track

2006-06-13T22:09:00.001+08:00

For the past 2 weeks, napadalas nang sobra-sobra ang pagkikita namin ni Hanna. =) It's because of Emily's practices for her debut dance..hehe.. galing noh?la lang.. partner kami ni Hanna! (malamang lang siguro)..tska partly dahil na rin sa bestfriend ni Hanna na si Gie...at ang boyfriend niyang si TJ..haha.. kaya nagkikita kami lagi. Nung friday last2 week pmunta kami sa bahay ni Paul Genato para kay Gie, I met Irene and Paula (tiga-4-4 din) - Yoshi's new prospect,by the way (gf n nya ata ngaun un eh) -- tapos nung saturday Hanna and I met up in RP galeria (but we were s'pose tah meet in SM megamall to have our 1st skating together...kaso I screwed that up) nag-back out kc ako dun sa skating sked na un...but it turned out na late ang pagbaback out ko. Iyak lang daw siya nang iyak kasi pumunta pa siya dun, eh d rin pla ako ppunta. Nainis din ako sa sarili ko nun kaya pinilit kong puntahan siya (nung andun na sya sa gale w/ Gie,tj,pat and yoshi)...nung una, away talaga kami..pero bago umuwi nagkaayos din.=) tapos nung sunday nagkita p kmi ulet!--un na, praktis kina emily..cna audie at genivieve kasama. Sinabihan pa akong mukhang tibo nung isang mama dun..tsk tsk.. Anyway.. wala ako ibang kinasabikan dun sa mga praktis kundi ang makasama si Hanna lang.hehe! tapos nitong nakaraang linggo naman ganun din! nung sunday at monday(kahapon) practices pa rin. =) ..tapos today...half day lang pasok niya..kaya nagkita uli kami. =D sori wla ako ibang makwento kundi siya lang ah.. hehe...pabilis nang pabilis ang pag-ikot ng mundo ko sa kanya bawat paglipas ng araw eh...(cheesy-ness alert)..ok tama na.. hehe! Wala nga pla kaming tux..d ko alam kng pwede coat and tie (and long sleeves) sa debut ni emily.. tagal ko na gs2ng ipaalam s knya kaso d ko magawa..lagi ko nkakalimutan tae. Binabati ko nga pala c francis moses para sa kanyang kadakilaan at katapangan ng loob, mabuhay ka bayani. =) ikaw ang pag-asa ng bayan.. hehe! "pursue ur dreams lang" - yan ang kanyang mensahe... idol ka

Know thyself - learn psychology

2006-05-13T22:50:00.000+08:00

let's see.. the other 10 lifetraps:

Abandonment - The abandonment lifetrap is the feeling that the people you love will leave you, and you will end up emotionally isolated forever. Whether you feel people close to you will die, leave home forever, or abandon you because they prefer someone else, somehow you feel that you will be left alone. Because of this belief, you may cling to people close to you too much. Ironically, you end up pushing them away. You may get very upset or angry about even normal separations.
((Individual/s found to be guilty of this lifetrap: 2))

Mistrust and Abuse - The mistrust and abuse lifetrap is the expectation that people will hurt or abuse you in some way – that they will cheat, lie to, manipulate, humiliate, physically harm, or otherwise take advantage of you. If you have this lifetrap, you hide behind a wall of mistrust to protect yourself. You never let people get close. You are suspicious of other people’s intentions, and tend to assume the worst. You expect that the people you love will betray you (aww, how sad) either you avoid relationships altogether (uy may kilala ako!!), form superficial relationships with people who treat you badly and then feel angry and vengeful toward them.
((Guilty search: 4 persons found ---including myself))

Vulnerability - you live in fear that disaster is about to strike – whether natural (wahaha! Nagdidilim na ang langit! Magugunaw na ang mundo! Sea monster!!! Aaaaahh!), criminal, medical, or financial. You do not feel safe in the world – too bad for you. If you have this lifetrap, as a child you were made to feel that the world is a dangerous place.(uh oh) You were probably overprotected by your parents, who worried too much about your safety. Your fears are excessive and unrealistic, yet you let them control your life, and pour your energy into making sure that you are safe. Your fears may revolve around illness: having an anxiety attack, getting AIDS, or going crazy.
((Guilty search: 2 found))

Dependence - If you are caught in the Dependence lifetrap, you feel unable to handle everyday life in a competent manner without considerable help from others. You depend on others to act as a crutch and need constant support. When you are working as an adult, you shrink from acting on your own. Needless to say, this holds you back.
((Guilty search: 3? found))

Emotional Deprivation - Emotional deprivation is the belief that your need for love will never be met adequately by other people. (uyyy! Alam mo n kng cno ka.haha) You feel that no one truly cares for you or understands how you feel. (masama yan, magbago na kayo) You find yourself attracted to cold and ungiving people, or you are cold and ungiving yourself, leading you to form relationships that inevitably prove unsatisfying. You feel cheated, and you alternate being angry about it and feeling hurt and alone. Ironically, your anger just drives people further away, ensuring your continued deprivation. People with this lifetrap have a loneliness about them, a quality of emptiness, of emotional disconnection. These are the people who do not know what love is. =(
((Guilty search: 3 poor souls found))

Social exlusion Social exclusion involves your connection to friends and groups. It has to do with feeling isolated from the rest of the world, with feeling different. If you have this lifetrap, as a child you felt excluded by peers. You did not belong to a group of friends. Perhaps you had some unusual characteristic that made you feel different in some way. As an adult, you maintain your lifetrap mainly through avoidance. You avoid socializing in groups and making friends. You may feel that you are ugly, sexually undesirable, low in status, poor conversational skills, boring, or otherwise deficient. (waaaah!!! T_T tama na!!) It is not always apparent that you have this lifetrap. You may be comfortable in intimate settings or one-to-one relationships and then be anxious and aloof at parties, classes, meetings, or work. You have a restless quality, a quantity of looking for a place to belong.
((Guilty search: 2 found --including myself))

Defectiveness With defectiveness, you feel inwardly flawed and defective. You believe that you would fundamentally unlovable to anyone who got close enough to really know you. Your defectiveness would be exposed. As a child, you did not feel respected for who you were in your family. (sad ulet) Instead, you were criticized for your “flaws.” You blamed yourself - you felt unworthy of love.
((Guilty search: 5 found))

Unrelenting standards If you are in the Unrelenting standards lifetrap, you strive relentlessly to meet extremely high expectations of yourself. You place excessive emphasis on status, money, achievement, beauty, order, or recognition at the expense of happiness, pleasure, health, a sense of accomplishment, and satisfying relationships. You probably apply your rigid standards to other people as well and are very judgmental. When you were a child, you were expected to be the best, and you were taught that anything else was failure. (hala! Parang ako!hehe, yabang) You learned that nothing you did was quite good enough. (sigh...)
((Guilty search: 4 found – including myself))

Entitlement The final lifetrap, Entitlement, is associated with the ability to accept realistic limits in life. People who have this lifetrap feel special. (parang ikaw..tsk tsk) They insist that they be able to do, say, or have whatever they want immediately. They disregard what others consider reasonable, what is actually feasible, the time or patience usually required, and the cost to others. They have difficulty with self-discipline. Many of the people with this lifetrap were spoiled as children. As adults, they still get very angry when they do not get what they want. (sounds villainous)
((Guilty search: 2?))

Paunawa sa mga mambabasa: ang “search engine” na gnamit ng may-akda ay hindi ganoon ka-epektibo at accurate, at marapat lamang na isaalang-ala na wala sa intensiyon ng may-ari ng blog na ito ang mang-alipusta ng tao. =D Maraming salamat po.

Pahabol: ang mga textong ginamit ay hango sa handout na ibinigay ni Ma’am Ofreneo, aking psychology teacher.

Subjugation

2006-05-10T21:42:00.000+08:00

oh.. recently, I figured out that I have this behavioral ?problem?...(uhm, i dunno how to put it). .something like a "lifetrap," as my psychology teacher put it. :)
I should really overcome it -- the lifetrap is called SUBJUGATION.
Subjugation - with subjugation, you sacrifice your own needs and desires for the sake of pleasing others or meeting their needs. You allow others to control you. You do this either out of guilt - that you hurt other people by putting yourself first - or fear that you will be punished or abandoned if you disobey. --so there, ako nga un..
AT YUNG IBANG LIFETRAPS... mejo d ko tnatanggap na malakas ung "tama" ko dun sa iba pang lifetraps eh..pero, ntatawa ako..kc kilala ko ung may mga ganun..hehe..

--but still I see the tears from your eyes...

2006-04-03T04:58:00.000+08:00

I am dying... It's been a week since we last -- messed up. ='( I mean, I'm the one who messed things up. She cried a lot - I made her cry again. Though, I really didn't mean to hurt her like that. ='( I really don't. If only I can turn back the time. *sigh... I really miss her sweetness...her cheerfulness...her warmth...her affection...her eyes, hair, nose, lips, hands, ..and legs...and love.

Hanna? You do know that you're the only one that matters to me. I wouldn't want anybody else except you.='( Because no one can replace you...and you know what? I appreciate all the things you've done to me. Wala pang nakakagawa ng ganito kabuti saken...kahit na nagkakalabuan tyo ngayon...hindi mo pa rin ako nilalaglag sa magulang mo kahit na merong "ibang nanliligaw" d'yan na mas type ng magulang mo para sayo... ='( sori kung nabubunyag ko na lahat.. gusto ko lang malaman mo na, na-aappreciate ko lahat ito. Maraming salamat.=)
Sana hindi nalang nagkakamali ang mga tao, para hndi kita napapaiyak...
Sana hindi nalang ako naging malapit sa ibang babae para mapatunayan kong ikaw lang ang laman ng isip ko buong magdamag...
Sana hindi nalang ako naging ganun katipid sa pera para nagustuhan ako ng magulang mo...
Sana naging magkapitbahay nalang tayo...at sa gayo'y lagi kitang hahagkan maging sa iyong pagtangis...
Sana ibuhos nalang ng langit sa akin ang lahat ng luhang iniyakan mo, at ako'y dadapuan ng sipon, mamamatay sa lagnat...sa lagnat na dulot ng buhos ng ulan - ulang nabuo sa luha mong nagmamahal.

hay...
I wanna sing this song for you, it's Broken Sonnet by Hale (1 of ur favorite bands) :)... wla lang. hehe

And now I concede on the night
of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And now I will admit in this fourth line
That I love you, that i love you

I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do

Cause tonight I leave my fears behind
Cause tonight I'll be right at your side

The clock on the TV says 8:39 p.m.
It's the same, it's the same
And in this next line I'll say it all over again
That I love you, that i love you

I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do

Cause tonight I leave my fears behind
Cause tonight I'll be right at your side
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go, will never let go

I leave my fears behind
Cause tonight I'll be right at your side
Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go, never let go

But still I see the tears from your eyes
Maybe I'm just not the one for you

2006-03-14T01:18:00.001+08:00

my heart had sung once before... it promised to sing for you forever...

2006-03-14T01:18:00.000+08:00

ah at last, I am writing on my blog once again. reinstallation lng pala sagot sa nabubulok na browser eh. *sigh.. Somehow, I could feel the highschool air is coming back. :) matagal pa ako magbabakasyon. I missed one birthday of a friend...hay, I'm sorry...sorry Jessie, d kita nabati. I hope ur doing ok na, khit papano. Tama nga kayo ni Mikko, maswerte pa ako.... :(

December 10,2005 1:26pm

2005-12-20T11:43:00.000+08:00

December 10,2005 1:26pm - F
December 10,2005 1:26pm - I
December 10,2005 1:26pm - N
December 10,2005 1:26pm - E
December 10,2005 1:26pm - S
December 10,2005 1:26pm - T
December 10,2005 1:26pm - M
December 10,2005 1:26pm - I
December 10,2005 1:26pm - N
December 10,2005 1:26pm - U
December 10,2005 1:26pm - T
December 10,2005 1:26pm - E

11/9/04

2005-11-10T05:34:00.000+08:00

oh goody!!! e2 na naman ang linyang -- "parang kelan lang"..."parang last year lang"...=) Parang kelan lang pumupunta-punta pa akong STC, mcdo retiro, blumentritt.. *_,* (not so much sa blumentrit - saan ba un?hehe! san ko ba napulot un?) anyway... I owe this blog to that very special date - interaction with the Theresians! ngayon? NOV.9 NA ULI!!! HAW WANDERPOOL!!! a perfect day to reminisce everything. Simula nung araw na un, . . . well, alam nyo na kung ano nangyari saken simula nun.heheh! Buti nlang ako ung presidente! buti nalang nagbunutan at nabunot ko ung section 4-4! (or...date lng ung pinagbunutan...gulay, nkalimutan ko na)
Basta! I came to know Hanna... I came to know my world. I miss seeing you in STC uniform, Hanna! :) You know, dear?... I'm truely madly, deeply in love with you. And every single day since then? I just kept falling for you. We have forever ahead of us to be with each other..& I thank God for it. I love you!

Heavy Pare!

2005-07-18T11:00:00.000+08:00

Harry Potter mania na naman! I can feel it! haha! yesterday was the first release of the book 6.... wow...0_o hehe! wla lang... ang saya isipin... maraming nagkakandarapa. Masayang isipin na may pumipila sa labas ng pintuan ng NBS at iba pang bookstores dyan nang umagang-umaga para makakuha ng first copies. Masayang isipin na maglilipana na naman ang mga pirated dyan.hehe! Masayang isipin na may mga taong nagtatype ng buong libro at sinasalin sa computer para kumita. Meron ding mga nag-xerox ng buong libro. wahahah! Masayang isipin na me libre kang bookmark ng Harry Potter pag isa ka sa first 14 'Harry Potter book 6' buyers. Masayang isipin na numipis ang libro kumpara sa book 5 at 4. Masayang isipin na si Paolo merman ay sumusugapa sa pagbabasa sa mga synopsis ng bawat chapter ng librong "Half-blood Prince"...para lang ma-satisfy ang hunger...at lust. hehehe! pwede!! joke lang.

Hold my heart

2005-07-06T20:23:00.000+08:00

It turned out to be..........dramatic. We nearly reached the "end"... but I know I can't take it - that's not an option in life for me. I...I want to say many things, I wish to let her know everything - how I've wanted my feelings for her to live on 'til we die. But I couldn't, I coudn't utter a word. My emotions were killing me, begging me to let it out. How will I say "I love you"... How will I say "I want you here by my side"... How will I say "Please hear me"...when all that speaks in me is my heart. The thought of losing her is too much for me. I couldn't grasp everything... "how could you know that something is sweet if you never tasted bitter?" I couldn't imagine myself being with somebody else... but I guess she couldn't see it in me... I guess she doesn't know that, and she would not believe. And if that day comes, when all will be but a distant memory... I promise her, I'll still love her all the more.

Overcast

2005-07-06T04:11:00.000+08:00

Yea, it's been a long time... much had happened already. Ok..kwento ako sandali. =) It's my third week already in college. Hmm..hehe! wala lang. I don't do well in class.... right now, chemistry laboratory lang ang mataas ko.ehehe! I'm used to doing lab reports na kase, tnx 2 my GROUPmates back in highschool!! 0_o ...Nakakuha ako ng pasang-awa sa math test ko kasi na-late ako (PARIN! ULI!)...tae tlaga ang tardiness ko. At ung literature pa! T_T Nakakahiya na ung mga nakukuha kong result ng test dun. 85% sa kanila mga 1 or 2 mistakes lang sa 11-item quizzes. Ako laging 3 o 4! ='( mga adik ang tao dun! Badtrip tlaga! gusto ko ng itanong sa teacher ang significance ng "short stories" sa ECE eh. Hay... ganon naman ata lahat ng freshies, maraming epal na subjects. Kala ko pag college, wala ng mga nuisance subjects eh. Dapat sa hayskul nlang tinuturo lahat! pag college ka na....uhh.. college na! dapat lahat related na sa trabaho mo at "pangkabuhayan" mo! ahaha! wala lang...gusto ko lang mag-amok. Basta, college life is ----basta, d ko pa ma-describe sa ngayon. =) hihi! Oo nga pala! every thursday, catechist ako sa Phil. Sci. High School! cool!... i get to teach "8" 1st yr. students there. hehe! Wala kasi silang religion subjects - puro science lang ata ung mga batang yun, ang gagaling eh! Feeling ko d ako ganun ka-galing nung 1st yr hs plang ako ehehe. Ayun...inimbita ako ng nagpoprovide sa akin ng scholarship-whatever na magturo dun. (malabo?sori ah)... basta ganun.

I am now suffering from my fourth day of desolation, maybe 2 hours from now, I can see the "light" again......
.
.
.
or maybe the "end"...

3rd day

2005-06-17T02:45:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 5:30 am kanina to attend my drawing/drafting class at 7:30 in the morning.. Our teacher is also teaching in UST - engineering..ayun. (tatanungin ko nga sana kung me kilala syang Hanna eh.hahaha! ang labo ng tanong) So far...dalawang kainan palang napupuntahan ko sa ateneo, out of, i think...5. =D... Ang mura talaga! Mahal na mahal ko ang cafeteria nila! sobra! P40.00 lang, me tapsilog ka na! Spag na me toasted bread na me bacon na me itlog(yuck) - P40.00 lang din!! ung P10.00 nilang orange juice(Tang) refillable pa! Ang ganda pa ng lugar... *_,* Grabe... I'll be adopting a new motto - "Fly high, soar high!" Way to go blue eagle! nyahaha! ...No more "Roaring", no more "eat them alive" slogans for me. hay, sad...

Ang pinaka-nangyari talaga ngayon ay... nagkita kami ni Hanna!!! after 6 weeks!! :D yeah!!! Natapos klase ko nang 2:30, I rode the train, then I decided to go see my princess. I was so excited. I wanna hug her... I dropped myself at the recto station and went to isetann. D pa kasi nagrereply c Hanna... I needed to know kung nasa UST pa sya o wala na. So!... pag pasok ko ng isetann... badtrip!! stupid and horrendous experience!! nagpupunas ako ng pawis ko habang naglalakad... then suddenly, I heard someone talking behind me - "pinagpapawisan ka ata, saan ka ba galing?"... My first instinct was to look back, and so I did. WHOA!! MUMU!!! gusto kong matumba sa lapag! syete!! matandang bakla! ngumiti sa akin!...graveh na ititch! He/she repeated his/her question - "saan ka galing?" ...then I was like -- ok, ignore the person, just continue walking, pretend you saw a fly, maraming mahihingan ng saklolo d'yan kung sakali... After I walked a couple of yards and after I entered a bookstore, I glanced back... There, amidst the crowd, I could see that horrible person blended in the crowd, staring at me!! T_T ....The person didn't follow me inside the bookstore, luckily - maybe the person knew I'd scream or cause God knows whatever havoc there may be. I stayed there for 10 minutes, until Hanna's message arrives. She said that her class ended, and I could see her na. Quickly, I composed myself. Then, I struggled my way out of that mall cursing my luck.

I arrived there just in time. Nandun na rin si Hanna sa building na yun. Great! "Addi!" -- "Hanna!!!" ---- I really missed her so bad... I could have hugged her if there were no people around... We talked a lot.... and... I got to see something valuable... something valuable to US. ;) ;) ;)

Early Eagle

2005-06-15T01:03:00.000+08:00

I've started my college life today. Man, it really feels so different... There's a whole lot of unfamiliar faces everywhere. Maraming mundo! haha!... It scares me a bit. The crowd is overwhelming. Well, that's how it is for us freshies, I suppose. There are so many people like me naman eh, kaya...hndi mejo nakakatakot.haha! The Ateneans are really something, but I'm proud to say that I can retain my Bedan spirit there. (Well, I can say that for now...ahaha! hinde...seryoso... d na mwawala pagiging bedista ko) Eh, ang pagka-gahaman ko ba naman sa pagkain at anumang libre eh...mawawala pa ba un?wahahaha! *ahem-ahem* At ang renowned fervor ng Bedans sa *tooooot*....ahaha! (yea, well renowned actually)...wala lang, no comment on that... :D pinipilit nila ako - e2 lang masasabi ko: SORRY! sorry nalang mga tsong! :p Actually, I was not that excited to start my first day...ewan ko kung bakit.... maybe 'coz I still can't see Hanna... ahihi!! I'm still longing to be at her side ...and also the first day for her in UST - It'll be perfect for her, or so I wish...hay. Tsaka kasi nag-meet na kaming magkaka-block beforehand pa, and we're comfortable with each other na matapos ung 3-day OrSem, which went well.
Well, my first day was.....normal. Nothing really happened...hehe! You really wanna know what happened??... I was late in my very first class! boohoo! (walang bago para kay Addison?hehe) wait! buti nalang... mas late ang teacher ko! ahahaha! yeah! talk about first impressions, talk about starting college.*phew! (mahirap i-kwento kung bakit ako muntikang ma-late. basta dahil sa kahabaan ng Katipunan at kahabaan ng pila sa tricycle.) chemistry - lab ung first subject na yon. Our teacher was very nice, a newly-grad from UP. Natapos ang klase nang 9:45. Kumain ako sa canteen ng mashed potato with chicken strips. Naglibot ako. Nag-library ako. Kumain ng Tapsilog. Pumasok sa klase ng 1:30 - Filipino. Kumuha ng diagnostic test. Nag-library uli. Nag-internet ng libre sa loob ng campus. Nagpuntang Lauan. Nagpa-interview para sa scholarship...tapos... umuwi na! ay teka! bago ako nagpa-interview, kumain muna ng fishball at egg sandwich. (parang ang pangit ng combination...ah basta...nakain ko yon)...ayun! =) That was pretty much my first day in college.

I love you...

2005-05-08T02:44:00.000+08:00

I just stumbled upon this heart-warming composition... :'( This is contributed by katiekatekate @ www.peyups.com

(put it in my perspective, ok? MY perspective... as in "I'm a fully grown up man"... I don't want to edit somebody's work.)

------True Feelings------

I am a fully grown up woman. A woman who loves you, but does not have the courage to tell you that I truly do, for the longest time. Loving you was not all that easy. It took all my patience and sanity to do so. But I still love you. And each time I try to at least try to utter “I Love You”, I fail. I always do.
I miss you, but I am too shy to tell you so. Maybe because I was not brought up that way. Showing what I truly felt is a sign of weakness, or so you say.
And so I send you another text message. This time it is the other way around. I used to be the one asking advice from you, I was once the one being pampered. Now I am the one telling you that life is not always fair. I suddenly wish that I was right next to you, to give hugs, kisses, and comfort.
After two years, our paths will cross again. I remember the last time we were together. We had a huge fight that you didn’t even want to send me to the airport. Our eyes were swollen from crying, not because we will miss each other but because we were into another one of our bouts. We were always like that. We never lasted one whole hour without any arguments, debates, or misunderstandings.
What will I do at the first sight of you? Should I hug you? Kiss you? Act like I don’t really care? Why does it have to be so complicated when all I really want to do is to be with you, hopefully to spend a quiet day at the beach. To catch up on old times. To laugh and relax, just to be with you. I know it isn’t simple and it never will be. But I will take one day at a time. And when the time comes when I’ll see you and be with you again, I will promise to try once more… to tell you that I love you….I really do, Mom.

My Birthday

2005-05-06T03:44:00.000+08:00

I'm seventeen! Hala d n ako ganun kabata... at... d n ako 'sweet'.... hahaha! (as if...Tae! nababangag uli ako) Thank you very much to God for my seventeen-year-old life, He has done many miracles for me. Of course, I would also like to thank my mother for everything. Nagpakahirap tlaga c mama para sa birthday ko... at c papa rin. I'm so grateful. Salamat sa lahat ng bumati sa akin. At sa iba jan...alam kong hindi nyo cnasaja na d ako batiin..(hahaha! ang kapal!) Salamat kay Ramch, dahil pinahiram mo pa tlaga ung videoke nyo. Tnx! Napakabait mo tlaga, heheh! Salamat kay pareng Marc at mareng Chiqui...nag-abala pa kayo sa gift... super tnx!tnx!tnx! Salamat kay Jessie...kala ko d ka na mkakapunta...pero ayun, may gift ka pa nga, tnx very much!! Salamat kay R-chi, Raffy, Jepoy, Archie, Emily, Mikko... Salamat sa pinagsaluhan nating lahat.. sa kantahan at katuwaan... Tnx for being there. (Oy Mikko, bilib tlaga ako sa lovepower mo!hahaha!) eh syempre, there's no greater fun than Hanna coming over.=) Malaking bagay talaga iyon sa akin. I'm soooOoO happy! I so love my aircon!!! very much!! Tnx for the gifts guys! ^_^ Mga natanggap kong bagay sa aking kaarawan:

1. nice semi-fit blue T-shirt
2. Tiffany the dolphin =)
3. blue bookmark =)
4. perfume
5. SUN sim kong nawawala
6. Bob Ong's Alamat ng Gubat =)
7. sulat...

Ang saya-saya!hehe! Kain-kain, laro-laro, kanta-kanta, usap-usap, kanta-kanta uli. hehehe! Hmm….anu ba nakanta ko?…wag na, shyness eh! hehehe! Basta! Mga naalala ko nlng na KINANTA: But there's this mejo-mejo-minor detail na nagawa kong mali nung araw na yon.... (d ko naitupi ung dulo ng pantalon ko!!!wah!!) hehehe! hindi, joke lang...hndi un ung mejo-mejo-minor detail na cnasabi ko. Kasi…..Once upon a time, there was this girl who had a problem with her boyfriend. She asked me for help...(blahblah)...

me:"you'll get over it naman ata...besides, I think he's an asshole..at...baka d tlaga sya para sayo."
nene girl:"oo nga, ikaw kasi ung para saken."
me:"huwat?! wag ka magbiro ng ganyan."
nene girl:"nagsasabi lng nman ako ng 22o ah."
me:"...parang u know me very well na...don't speak that way."
nene girl:"...edi basted na ako?cge..wawa naman me."
--and the rest is history--
Para raw akong nagko-concentrate sa pagtetext kay nene girl sabi ni Hanna... sa harapan pa nya. =( what a fool. My birthday was still super great all in all! Ang natira nalang sa bahay nung gabi ay sina Jessie, Ramch, R-chi, Jepoy, & Raffy. Sa sobrang desperado at sugapa naming makapaglaro ng network games sa labas...nilibot namin ung buong recto at legarda nung gabing iyon..hehe! :D Sa parin tlaga ako matanda. We played Warcraft3: Frozen Throne ‘til 1am…(or is it 2am?)… haha! Good thing we have a very responsible and caring ADULT with us! ;p Guess who nalang!!! Another good thing, my mom was not so hot about our “morning” arrival.hehe! We slept na pag-uwi… And me? =) I read something pa eh =) =) =)

Sweet Toast

2005-04-14T22:07:00.000+08:00

April 3, Westin Philippine Plaza - the reason...
It was our Senior's Night. :D I spent the night with my batchmates and, of course, with Hanna! It was my first time wearing a coat, also my first time attending such glamorous occasion. Everyone was looking at his/her best! Our teachers were also ...different.. ;p Ang ganda lahat! Perfect moment... (haha) ganda ng hotel! daming foreigners! ganda ng CR!! Ganda nila!! Ganda ni ... Hanna! *_,* For some, the evening became an extended soiree with the Theresians. Nonetheless, the night was perfect! I got to meet new acquaintances...but that doesn't concern me much. All that is there to me was to be with Hanna. Jessie picked me up in my house and we arrived there at five. Only a handful was already there. Both our dates will be arriving an hour later.(thanks to some change of plans) We didn't have anything to do so we strolled the place a bit, unable to discern whether to be pompous of our attire or to feel awkward with it. Afterwards, we joined our friends. I used the free time finishing my speech for the night. Partly, I hated having to deliver that speech; it made me nervous when all my attention should be at my Princess. Epal.. Anyway, there were a lot of exchange of compliments. People came in gradually to fill the lobby. Noise was building up. The excitement rushes in. Couples were signing in. My waiting didn't delay much longer, Hanna texted me saying, "I can see the name of the hotel na!". Then, I waited outside. Their car arrived and I greeted Hanna's parents, Halecx was also there! :D After making that "you take good care of my daughter" handshake with her father, we walked in..... the night started.
Emily was wearing a weird but cute dress.(d ko ma-describe eh) It fits her nicely. TJ's coat was kinda "parang pang chinese". Hanna's dress was pink! (mejo expected)..hehe! Chiqui's purple dress was also cool!... basta ayun...Registration.. Pictorials.. Dinner!! We sat with JM and the rest... hehehe, no comment. Ang sarap sarap ng fwud!!! :p I can't believe I ate so little.. :( ...bakit kaya? There were live bands playing..syempre kami-kami rin yun. ;) May future ka Romeo!! :D Yoshi and the rest - you guys played well! Then my speech came. How nice... ehehe! thank you thank you! =) hehehe! Then the Senior's toast! =') Good luck to all!... See you all real soon! (wala lang)
Emily + Mikko = parteyh! -- Ramch + Ichie = perfect! -- Raffy + Tin = pare, lalake ka ba?(JOKE!!) -- Jessie + Bagie = galaw2x! -- TJ + Gie = crazy for each other!!! -- Archie + Claire = ??? -- Marc + Chiqui = may dalawang langgam ;p -- Me + Hanna = [napakalaking secret] WAHAHAH! cge lang manukso pa kayo... blog ko toh! :ptapos... uhmm... "the dance floor is now open" yeay! Sweet na talaga... I invited her to dance... eh syempre! Then... pairs of bodies come close together to feel the moment. Time stretched, everything around us means nothing anymore... The night grew endless… My heart spoke a lot....... :D

buhay pa naman ako

2005-04-07T21:03:00.000+08:00

Last na post ko pala third quarter pa.......... :((
Bukas na pala graduation....... oh dear